my last night in the place

someday
i want a home
that's not so far away
and that doesn't change
(not even when things get noisy)
a home in the key of C
(when things get coltrane giant steps confusing)
i can always come back
to that note in the middle
a place that i can find
even if you spin me around
and pull out my eyes
a place that i will protect
with all of my life

i'm happy
i've learned to almost always be happy
but scared, too, and hopeful
and optimistic
(because our neighborhoods are alive with magic
that we don't see
unless we walk late at night
when the magic creatures
think we are asleep)
optimism is not "good things will happen to me"
optimism is "i will be good to others"

important to remember:
apartments can always be emptied

to my sisters:
all that anybody wants is love, home, and happiness.
and i haven't found the ultimate amounts of all three, of the whole thing,
but this past year
i've figured out how to get more of it
(except for the home part. i'm still working on that)
and it's pretty simple. it involves smiling more,
hugging more, and working hard- looking at things for
the beauties they bring
instead of the burdens-
realizing that suffering is one of the thickest parts of life,
but even something so stalwart can be busted into smaller pieces
with compassion
(compassion is the bazooka, the panzer tank, in the war on unhappiness. it explodes things like doing the dishes and typos in important memos, and co-workers who sometimes can't even read)
i wish you were closer
i'd play songs for you
and help you remember that
sometimes
being ridiculous
is close to being
divine

i'm not close to being the perfect person
but every once in awhile i write a sentence
that makes people's hearts beat a little faster
and that is enough for me.

a hint:
chill your zinfandel on hot summer nights

krysta:
i know you always tell me
that i am part of your family
and i am happy for that (you have no idea)
but don't ever forget
that you are also
a part of mine.

and goodnight, all those leaves that have fallen
and been raked into piles
waiting to be burned
(may rain fall and keep you for another day longer)