church on time

the church was before us
all red brick and
made up
to look like
a place where
people go
to get married
or
to die.

we had the hope
that after mass
we'd all be able
to order hot fudge sundaes.

the leaves were no longer on the trees
but the snow was not yet on the ground.
it was the in between of the seasons
and a warm morning meant
a cold night.

i traced the carvings on the end of the pews
with my fingers
and kneeled when i was told
and didn't question
much.

everyone i loved
was still alive.

everything i dreamed of
was still just beyond
the fence in the field.

i counted the beams in the ceiling.
i counted the women wearing hats.
i counted my sister's chicken pox.
i did not count
the stations of the cross
stained in the glass windows.
i did not memorize
the apostle's creed.
the only creed i knew
was barefoot in a muddy creek
and correctly identifying poison ivy
before it is too late.